I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
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Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
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I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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