Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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