I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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