finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
