He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
