I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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