I look better un-naked...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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