never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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