shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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