im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
