NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
