If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
