Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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