You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
