so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
