considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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