Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
