Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
