I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
