my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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