I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
