No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
