if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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