I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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