just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
