So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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