mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
