Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
