Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?

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  (612): Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka? http://tfl.nu/htpr
  Replies (24) Good night (4414) Bad night (1464)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope

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  (623): If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope http://tfl.nu/gx2z
  Replies (8) Good night (3529) Bad night (709)
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  (909): View more from California

  if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids

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  (909): if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids http://tfl.nu/et14
  Replies (18) Good night (1552) Bad night (3910)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it

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  (734): so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it http://tfl.nu/b75j
  Replies (32) Good night (751) Bad night (7038)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.

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  (316): Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth. http://tfl.nu/ew3b
  Replies (8) Good night (1012) Bad night (3444)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?

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  (262): Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU? http://tfl.nu/jzba
  Replies (5) Good night (2384) Bad night (709)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.

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  (303): What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad. http://tfl.nu/nd1v
  Replies (12) Good night (2201) Bad night (850)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?

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  (231): Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often? http://tfl.nu/yhxm
  Replies (4) Good night (1697) Bad night (569)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe

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  (832): He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe http://tfl.nu/uw0b
  Replies (2) Good night (1104) Bad night (523)
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  (914): View more from New York

  just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow

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  (914): just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow http://tfl.nu/fqfl
  Replies (6) Good night (1298) Bad night (450)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.

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  (248): We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom. http://tfl.nu/ik6d
  Replies (4) Good night (1256) Bad night (662)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.

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  (304): The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me. http://tfl.nu/eykr
  Replies (8) Good night (462) Bad night (1156)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?

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  (780): Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel? http://tfl.nu/7lkz
  Replies (4) Good night (860) Bad night (317)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.

  (253): View more from Washington

  You're lovely.

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  (425): Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight. (253): You're lovely. http://tfl.nu/vx83
  Replies (2) Good night (578) Bad night (285)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.

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  (410): Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me. (443): Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life. http://tfl.nu/8aep
  Replies (5) Good night (666) Bad night (354)

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