Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
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Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption