Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you would pick up someone in the library
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.