Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire

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  (310): Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire http://tfl.nu/u3d6
  Replies (6) Good night (841) Bad night (1653)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook

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  (517): i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook http://tfl.nu/5f2q
  Replies (3) Good night (659) Bad night (875)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Plan B is the new Plan A

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  (973): Plan B is the new Plan A http://tfl.nu/yxtj
  Replies (8) Good night (1081) Bad night (1014)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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  (248): i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both http://tfl.nu/4hk0
  Replies (9) Good night (3012) Bad night (899)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.

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  (864): he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs. http://tfl.nu/m2cw
  Replies (10) Good night (5007) Bad night (595)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga

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  (952): I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga http://tfl.nu/qw9z
  Replies (29) Good night (13359) Bad night (1059)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.

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  (253): You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow. http://tfl.nu/kcye
  Replies (8) Good night (3812) Bad night (843)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.

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  (215): Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver. http://tfl.nu/plce
  Replies (8) Good night (2194) Bad night (574)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth

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  (607): Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth http://tfl.nu/3kds
  Replies (8) Good night (1487) Bad night (628)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.

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  (+44): I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/4b20
  Replies (7) Good night (559) Bad night (1456)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete

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  (973): They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete http://tfl.nu/wsoe
  Replies (3) Good night (1844) Bad night (408)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too

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  (954): I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too http://tfl.nu/81kp
  Replies (0) Good night (1031) Bad night (462)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.

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  (515): Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type. http://tfl.nu/lvgz
  Replies (1) Good night (528) Bad night (589)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.

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  (218): We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand. http://tfl.nu/ljk5
  Replies (2) Good night (499) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of

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  (306): my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of http://tfl.nu/jepn
  Replies (4) Good night (646) Bad night (286)

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