He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.