I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
