Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
