Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
