he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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