Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just forgot I was standing up.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
