We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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