Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
