i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
