Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
