I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
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I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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