yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
