Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
