in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
