a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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