I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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