I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
