i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
