Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
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The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.