The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
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And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.