I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dating After Heartbreak
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon