Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.