im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on