apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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