before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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