just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
