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It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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