Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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