she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
