is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I am available for nakedness
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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