You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
