Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize