I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
