everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
