Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
